My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
