where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
