I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
