apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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