Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have started to decorate penises.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
