No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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