His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
