his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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