so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
