Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize