He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
