Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
