Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
