please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.