i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking