put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?