Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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