Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list

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  (443): i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list http://tfl.nu/fyip
  Replies (18) Good night (4892) Bad night (778)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

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  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5642) Bad night (1905)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

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  (913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up. http://tfl.nu/odda
  Replies (5) Good night (4307) Bad night (944)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.

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  (614): Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning. http://tfl.nu/meuz
  Replies (11) Good night (2206) Bad night (1075)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2281) Bad night (755)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"

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  (774): She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious" http://tfl.nu/oxyq
  Replies (7) Good night (1390) Bad night (551)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.

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  (404): It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcgf
  Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (728)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.

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  (318): Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult. http://tfl.nu/kp39
  Replies (6) Good night (1617) Bad night (516)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"

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  (631): I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path" http://tfl.nu/xcvb
  Replies (14) Good night (1592) Bad night (535)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.

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  (904): You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/g46j
  Replies (6) Good night (1814) Bad night (839)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny

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  (609): And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny http://tfl.nu/jdju
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (726)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out

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  (732): Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out http://tfl.nu/mgiw
  Replies (10) Good night (1501) Bad night (581)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.

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  (870): There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked. http://tfl.nu/ccaq
  Replies (6) Good night (640) Bad night (421)
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  (880): View more from

  tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness

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  (880): tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness http://tfl.nu/yh2l
  Replies (5) Good night (362) Bad night (528)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?

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  (240): Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats? http://tfl.nu/479l
  Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (320)

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