i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i now understand why vodka
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.