they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
