he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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