Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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