did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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