i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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