He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
