So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
