who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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