Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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