Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
