I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I see more hoeing in ur future
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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