It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
