if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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