Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
