I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
