dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
