i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
