you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
