I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
