Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
