Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
