Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
