so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just cropdusted the office
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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