May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
