i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
