I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
