He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
