He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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