at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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