Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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