uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
