My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize