that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
