the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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