I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
