My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
