And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
