so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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