Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
