if you like me you must not know who I am
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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