Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
