I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
