Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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