I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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