I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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