Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
