dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
