Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
