The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
