he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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