end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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