How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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