If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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