Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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