Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You pole danced in your parka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
