he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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