my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I AM VODKA MAN
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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