so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
