After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh god it's open bar.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
