could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So much rum. So many feels.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
