even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
