We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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